He was also a contortionist. He never would let us see his face very well. We were gonna do a 4d ultrasound but the tech at my doctor's office said it would be a waste of money because he was always contorted and turned away. When I got pregnant I kept telling myself I'd do all the things that I wanna do so that if this is my only pregnancy ever, I won't have regrets. I wanted the gender reveal party that Pinterest couldn't compete with, the best stuff for him--all the convenient baby stuff, and cute personalized items that were the envy of every cute baby. lol. I joked that I had such an easy pregnancy that labor was gonna be like this: my water would break, I'd go to the hospital, be 10cm, push one time, and Viola! there's Garrett! Obviously I knew that wouldn't be true but at least some easy version of labor and delivery. Well that's not even close to how it went.
At 28 weeks I went in to the OB for a routine visit and for my glucose test. I saw a Dr I had never seen before since I had to rotate through all the doctors. Little did they know i'd rotate through all of them at the hospital too. Dr. Stephenson freaked me out..he was like...your BP is high...I really should admit you to the hospital right now. And then he had me lay down, and turn on my side and kept checking my BP. He talked of gestational hypertension and preeclampsia. I didn't process how serious it was and he really scared me. I had to do 24 hour urine collections for protein. They'd come back normal and then be high again. I had to have weekly Non-stress tests and biophysical profiles to make sure Garrett's heart rate was normal, he was still growing, and that the risk outweighed the benefit as far as keeping me pregnant vs. delivering. I was in denial through all of this. There was no way he could be delivered early. I can't have a sick baby or lose my baby because of my own body! I was in so much distress after this point, the bed rest they put me on could've never lowered my bp. The night after I saw Dr. S I cried....no...wept....begging Chris that if anything happened to take care of Garrett and that if he had a choice between being by my side in the hospital and being with Garrett that I wanted him to be with Garrett. It was a scary thought..but the next morning I thought I must've sounded ridiculous and that I was panicking too much. But little did I know we'd be in this same scary place two and a half weeks later.
All of the NST tests and BPP tests were coming back ok. Garrett was looking good. I was personally concerned even before the doctors were that he was only in the 15% percentile. They'd tell us it's because we are not big people and that it's normal and ok. I just worried over this for weeks because I knew this around 26 weeks when I saw the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist at ECU for a fetal thyroid scan due to my own hashimotos. I was the only person worried about this. I chronicled the clincal aspects of the whole event. My memories were foggy. Chris took notes on the Ipad to help us look back and know he we talked to etc. They put me on magnesium sulfate to prevent me from having a stroke or having seizures. It also made me very narcoleptic and have weird memories from going in and out of a state of sleep. I'd forget things and remember them after coming home from the hospital. I was traumatized by the whole thing because of the pain and the fear and all the people coming and going into my room...specialist after specialist. I wrote down the details of the whole thing shortly after discharge so that I could remember things. There were people who visited me and phone calls that I had that I remembered later. Facebook helped me figure out things too..like who came by and who I talked to. It was very strange to be what appears to be lucid and not remember what you said and then remember it later.
Friday 11/29:
Went to ER due to concerns of high blood pressure. My home cuff would not give
a reading. I felt stupid for even going and scared they were going to admit me
for nothing. Supposedly my 24hour urine turned in on thanksgiving day was
normal, however, I find out later they ran it incorrectly.
Admitted for observation per Dr. Taft. Was in the side A
triage room 113. Started IV after several attempts. The Emergency response team
had to be called to start IV. Chris leaves at 330 am (11/30) to go check on
Angel and that is also when I started the 24 hour urine test.I was upset at having to be at the hospital. I wanted my easy pregnancy back. I wanted to be at home with my fur baby and I was tired of being stuck with needles already. I was given Ambien to sleep that night and hated how it made me feel.
Saturday 11/30:
BP is still high and I am still doing a 24 hour urine collection. Urine protein
was very high and they officially admitted me to 1West antepartum unit room 135
after Dr. Taft came in to see me. Regina was my nurse. Dr Taft set parameters
for BP to call him if over 180/100s. My urine test ended at 350am on Sunday.
Sunday 12/1: We
were in observation at 1West with fluctuating BPs. Was on lebetalol for BP. I
was given first steroid shot to mature Garrett’s lungs .Delivery was imminent but they were trying to hold off on it as long as possible while giving me the steroid shot. I also had a chest xray because I was having trouble breathing.
Mon 12/2: 9:25am
was given 2nd hydralazine shot given by Sarah RN per Dr. Stephenson.
BP 193/93 pulse 64. 10:05am bp taken again and was 178/92 pulse 101. 10:30am
Dr. Stephenson suggested we may need to deliver baby. 10:45 we were moved to L
and D room 123. Started on Magnesium Sulfate by Allyson RN. 1100am got 2nd
IV by Emergency response team because the one the mag sulfate was put into was not functioning. I was in a lot of pain from the mag going into an IV in a strange place in my shoulder as they had blown out so many veins. 115 Dr. Stephenson came in and he gave more
hydralazine to try to get BP under control. While we were waiting for Dr.
Livingston MFM to come in Dr. Stephenson did Biophysical profile ultrasound in
room for 30 minutes to get Garrett to move. It took the whole half hour to get
him to move at 1:25pm. At 3:15pm Dr. Tracey Forrest came in for Dr. Livingston
(3rd year resident). She did exam and said she would consult with
Dr. Livingston and convey what is going on. Dr. Livingston came by and said he felt I would deliver with
in the week. I had severe preeclampsia very early in pregnancy and the baby was IUGR (intrauterine growth restricted). 4:30pm Chris left to go home to check on Angel. I was moved back
to antepartum unit in room 123. Joe and Rebecca brought me dinner. At 9:00pm
Chris came back and I was put on a saline drip to help keep IV open. BP was
188/106. I had a severe headache and nausea. Dr Whitley gave me ambien,
morphine, and zofran. I was able to sleep by midnight. Also sometime that night I was given 2nd
steroid shot.
Tues: 12/3: At
730am Dr. Whitley came in and told us we were in the balancing act. How and
when we deliver will be based on symptom markers. High BP, liver panel etc. At
8:00am Dr. Newton came in and ordered an ultrasound to see how Garrett is
doing. He also wanted to order and echocardiogram on me to make sure I didn’t
have any heart conditions. At 9:25 we had a visit from the pharmacist techs and
was put on Procardia. At 930 we had an NST and at 9:55, the ECU
ultrasound tech came and we went back to side A to get the ultrasound. Garrett
got a 6/8 score. At 10:30 my BP was 216/127. At 11:30 I had another NST and
hydrallize was admininstered. BP was 165/99. Pulse 79. Dr. Newton came in and
said we are going to have to deliver your baby. They moved me to labor and
delivery room 120. Chris tried to call my mom to tell her. Dr Whitley came in and explained
the plan and consented me. I don't even remember signing the consent forms. They put me on pitocin to see if I could handle a
regular induction and if Garrett could handle it. I never felt a contraction
and they kept asking me if I was feeling anything. However; his heart rate was
decelerating with the pitocin. I began throwing up. They told me they were
going to have to do a c-section. At about 230 I was getting prepped for the OR.
Chris couldn’t come back but they got anesthesia to put in a spinal block.
I was crying hard by this time..scared to death for what may happen and what we may see that day. Dr Whitley was wonderful. She held me while I cried and while they administered the spinal block. The spinal block was scary when my legs go so heavy. Chris came into the OR and was told where he could put his hands behind the
drape. Garrett was delivered at 2:58pm and the NiCU team got him breathing and
on CPAP. Chris took some pictures and they took some pictures for Chris with
Rebecca’s phone since we did not have a camera on us and were not prepared for
pictures. About 15-20 minutes later they
finished sewing me up and brought a bed in and slid me onto the stretcher and
moved me to recovery. Carla was my nurse. I was still on magnesium and do not
remember recovery at all. Lactation consultants came in (I don’t’ remember
this). Chris went back to the room while I was in recovery and Joe and Rebecca
and my mom was there. Chris did not know any stats on the baby at this point
and was trying figure out how to share pictures from Rebecca’s phone. Chris went back to
recovery room to be with me. Dr Chang came in and told Chris that Garrett is
doing well and is on the CPAP and is breathing on his own and weighed 1150
grams and was 15 ½ inches. Chris asked when he can go see him and Dr. Chang
said he could go now and I told Chris to go and take my mom with him. Chris
goes to get my mom and gives the stats of the baby and explains what Dr. Chang
explained about the limitations to go back into the NICU. He and my mom go down
to NICU and see Garrett. He also talked to Dr. Buckwald, his neonatologist and took some pix and
video. He went back to Joe and Rebecca and took Rebecca back. Chris went back
to recovery to check on me and tell me about Garrett. Chris
stayed with me and I was out of recovery and in l&d room 120. BP was still
high and they gave me meds. I was still on magnesium. Dr. Gay came in and
assessed me and released me to have a light diet and no longer NPO (about 8pm).( I ate a whole slice of pumpkin pie Chris had in the fridge at L and D haha). The thirst that magesium causes is EXTREME. I cannot describe how thirsty it made me feel.
I was under observation for BP on 1west. I was to stay on the magnesium until
the next morning. I was also on the compression machines (on my legs--whatever you call them). I had a panic attack from feeling confined that night. I was having trouble moving and in pain and the compression things on my legs made me feel claustrophobic. They took them off to give me a break to calm down. That was very scary. I just got to the point where I couldn't take it any longer.
Wednesday 12/4: I
was taken off magnesium early in the morning. At 430am they woke me and took
the compression machines off of my legs and took off the magnesium. Brooke was
my nurse. My BP had normalized by then on only the procardia. Afterall, the only cure for preeclampsia is delivering the baby. My body was getting back to normal already. They moved me to
1west and made me get up out of the bed. I was in a lot of pain. It took a lot out of me. Chris came
back from home and I was in the new location by later that morning (i don't remember?) Chris
helped me shower and removed my bandages. I was too scared to look down or remove the bandages. Talk about a humbling expereince...having my husband do all this for me was not something I wanted but I felt so very well taken care of by him. Susan was my nurse that day and she was wonderful. I was still very out of it from the magnesium and was not able to go see Garrett yet.It made me really dizzy and loopy. I admit I was very scared of what I would see and how I would feel, even though I'd see pictures and Chris had spent time down there several times.
Thursday 12/5: Dr. Haskins came by and told me I had to walk
the unit 3 times that day and to walk part way to NICU also. She wanted me to
move around and start healing. I was determined to get better...I had no choice...i had a baby in the NICU that needed me. I finally got to meet Garrett that day. I will share all about that in my next post. The feelings are very extensive and hard to describe. I also
was able to finally communicate with people who had called, facebooked, and
texted me as Chris was overwhelmed with text messages and caring for our dog at
home and being with Garrett when I couldn’t be.I was still dizzy and nauseous from the magnesium leaving my system but I also refused to take percocet anymore after being really sleepy that day. I didn't want anything else messing up my ability to see Garrett.
Friday: 12/6 I walked to NICU 3 times on my own. I got to
spend time with Garrett. I was able to be discharged late Friday night.
That pretty much covers all the details of the birth and hospital stay. I was very traumatized by the whole experience. i know lots of people have been through a similar expereince but some of them haven't fought as hard as we did to get pregnant in the first place. The c-section itself was no big deal as far as healing goes. I was fine physically...it was the post traumatic stress that made healing hard. I had lots of questions and blaming myself for the way my little tiny miracle had to come into the world. People in my life didn't get it either...i went through something that was way different than normal and typical. I was terrified going through all of that and confused about how I had to have my baby separated from my body in a way that was never planned and the fear of what I would see when he was born. We are so blessed but that's only because God made that happen because it could've been so much worse than it was. Going home and being discharged was just as hard. I asked this question that night---how do you leave half of your heart at the hospital to go home? Everything seemed different after 8 days in the hospital--i forgot that it was Christmas. It was all very surreal riding home in that car that night-- to see Christmas lights and see my tree when I got home. Was I supposed to feel happy or sad? Was I supposed to celebrate or be terrified. I was more scared.Most people get to have a baby, hold them and celebrate and breast feed immediately. I had a baby 3 days prior to coming home and yet didn't feel like it even happened. I couldn't feel him moving in my belly anymore and he was still supposed to be there. I cried a lot that night. Everything was so strange and different. My whole life changed in an instant.The contortionist that wouldn't show his face on ultrasound showed us his face in person.
more tomorrow....
You are amazing!! I am in tears reading this..I loved seeing his update pictures and would show them to my husband, I showed him on the other day after not showing one for a while, he could not believe how big Garrett had gotten. Thanks for sharing!!
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