Picking up from last time...I"m going to keep the details of the medical interventions brief because I am ready to share more about my feelings regarding infertility and pregnancy after infertility as well as Garrett's birthday. Last time I discussed the financial issues with the surgeries and insurance and how we were blessed with having our debt cleared and thus having the money for IVF.
The pain of infertility is multi-faceted but it all comes back to grief. . There's the missing part of your life/marriage, the finances that stand in the way, and then the losses you feel whether from failed cycles, miscarriage, or from it just being financially out of reach. Then you grieve the relationships lost from the sheer fact that people are often clueless, even in the religious community, with how to deal with others grief or they just don't get it so they assume that you must be hyper-inflating these emotions. All of it is painful in it's own way. You are faced with grieving the loss of someone you haven't met yet; that someone you want in your life to complete you and your husband and your marriage and your lives. It's an emptiness that is hard for others to understand. You grieve because of the loss of the baby you dream of. You grieve because even the hope of that baby is out of reach financially. There's a quote I've heard that says "whomever said money cannot buy happiness has never been through IVF to have a baby." It's so true and I know that can go for adoption as well for those who choose that route to parenthood. Then, you grieve because IVF' doesn'tt always work the first time and sometimes they never work for some people..and you know this going into it yet you think you're going to be one of the lucky ones who has it work the first time. Then it fails and you think..well i'm not that special..why would it work for me? You pick up the pieces after the failure...realizing that you fooled yourself believing that it's as easy that one time. Then you grieve again...for embryos that could've been the one that implanted, for what could've been, and for the fact that you were certain you only had one shot with the financial aspect. It's so hard when money stands in the way of what should happen automatically for a happy couple that wants an extension of themselves.
We have said so many times how getting pregnant and having a baby will be life-changing. It really is. But then it's not. I"m a different person because of infertility not because of pregnancy or motherhood by itself.. I have found that real character of people shines through when you need them and they aren't there or are so insecure with themselves that they have no clue how to be there for another person. It's sad too when I've seen this in the church and among Christians that I know. I remember verses about weeping with those who weep and rejoicing with those who rejoice. People found it easy to rejoice when I got pregnant but I felt alone in mourning. People run from sadness and mourning because they don't know how to deal with it. I have lost friendships for the better due to infertility but not just because of infertility but because of their own insecurities.. The truth about their character shined through. So, despite my happiness there is some loss there I face. I know that my ladies (and Jason!) in my infertility group on Facebook knows exactly what I'm talking about. You hear so much about how a baby changes everything.....So does the lack of one from infertility. For the few friends I lost on this journey, I have gained over 100 all over the world. Chris and I both changed...I will talk more about that later.
So despite all the hard parts and with trying to find the money to do multiple IVFs and finally being successful after a change in doctors, protocols, treating my Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, and the extraordinary measures we dealt with in the male factor area of infertility, we have grieved and now we move on...but no one really "moves on" from infertility. You are always infertile...another child won't come easy, the crisis from the past is always part of you. Resolve is the infertility organization that is really kind of a misnomer. Even they know that pregnancy after infertility is not the resolution to infertility in itself and that people resolve in different ways....fertility treatments that succeed, adoption, foster care, or sometimes the difficult choice to life childfree. I strive to advocate for others who face this painful life crisis. Even renowned psychologists say that infertility diagnoses is likened to a cancer diagnoses. In both cases you feel hopeless and the emotions aren't' that different.. Not to minimize cancer because you won't lose your physical life from infertility---well most people won't. (i'll share my scary pre-eclampsia story later)---but it's a huge hopeless situation you never expected to face. You grow, you change, you grieve, you re-group, you pick yourself up and try again. It's about never giving up, deciding what's right for your family building choices, and praying you have the money to not give up. So many families give up because of finances. I look for the day when that's not a problem and all insurance companies recognize it...if not for physical reasons, for mental health purposes as well. Infertility is multifaceted because it's physical but, it's also even to a great degree, emotional.
I have my blessing---but I have my scars. Chris has his. We fought hard to get here. It's not all sunshine and gumdrops because I succeeded with fertility treatments. The future size of my family is already limited and we would have to fight hard again...but just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not worth it!
Friday, January 31, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Make a new plan....
So the results of the surgery were devastating. We felt completely hopeless and unsure of our future. How could this happen? We've been responsible and prepared for having a family for a long time. We had a house with a room that was supposed to be the nursery..now I couldn't even go in that room. In fact I rarely ever went in that room or opened the door to it. It was too saddening. We had sperm cryopreserved but the dream of having a family was very far out of reach. How would we afford IVF? The surgery was very expensive and all out of pocket.
We took another HUGE financial hit when our insurance company that paid for the first surgery decided that since it was an infertility based biopsy they would reverse payment on the entire surgery. So we owed Rex Hospital, the anesthesiologist, and the urologist 100% of two surgeries. We had paid for the second surgery when the first surgery was paid for by insurance and all copays and deductibles were met. So we were being responsible. Our insurance company betrayed us..or so we felt. I was contemplating quitting school at that point. After all, all i really wanted to be was a stay at home mom. That wasn't happening so I may as well be working instead of going to school for the hopes of a job after graduation. I was at rock bottom. I spent days on the phone with insurance and with the billing coordinator at the urologist's office. It was hours and hours of phone calls. The billing coordinator was wonderful. She sent letters of medical necessity and spent hours on the phone with the insurance company too. She listened to me vent about all of it and how heartbroken we were. This stranger on the other end of the phone became my friend and ally in that dark time.
I was at a standstill as far as what to do. I was beginning my first semester of my internship at a local elementary school. It was January 2010. Another year was beginning. People always gave the spiel about how great and hopeful a new year is and we sat at home feeling lost. On my first day of my internship I went in..begrudgingly. I had a very awesome school and clinical teacher, but I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. I remember that day..I got home and felt like I had no idea what to do. At that time, we were using our answering machine on our printer combo machine and it was upstairs in the guest room. So anytime we checked messages we had to go upstairs to listen. That day I got home and kicked off my shoes. My feet hurt from standing and I remember thinking this: There's probably not a message important enough for me to walk upstairs to check the machine. After a few minutes I talked myself into checking the messages. It was the insurance coordinator from the urologist's office. I really did not want to call her back. I was burned out from the daily back and forth between her and insurance. Plus it was nearly 5:00. I really hate calling someone near 5:00 because they rarely answer their phone and let it go to voicemail. Much to my surprise, she did pick up her phone.And the next thing she said came unexpected.
She said, "I have some good news for you." She said..Dr. S said you have paid him enough money and he's writing off the rest of your account!!!!" I immediately went to tears. Then the billing coordinator went to tears too. We both cried and thanked Jesus for such a wonderful blessing. She told me she was so happy I called her before 5:00. (I called her at 4:55). I also received a refund for $6000 which was the portion of the second surgery we had paid for that he was unable to complete due to the scar tissue. Between that and our income tax refund that year we had enough to do IVF. I felt a HUGE sense of relief. I called Chris crying. He thought something was wrong. I couldn't compose myself. I was truly touched by Dr. S's generosity. He was always so kind and compassionate to us and this was a wonderful blessing.
Later on that week it occurred to me that maybe we won't be able to have enough to do IVF. If insurance reversed payment to the urologist then they reversed payment for the surgical fees for the hospital also. The hospital bill was even bigger. However, time went by and to this day we never saw a bill from them. I don't know if Dr. S did something to clear us of that debt to Rex also or what but it was very supernatural. The debt was gone, just like that. After all the blood, sweat, and tears to get to this point..our debt was paid. This always reminded me of our debt for sin and how it was paid by Jesus. He said..your account is clear! I truly knew what that meant that day!
We took another HUGE financial hit when our insurance company that paid for the first surgery decided that since it was an infertility based biopsy they would reverse payment on the entire surgery. So we owed Rex Hospital, the anesthesiologist, and the urologist 100% of two surgeries. We had paid for the second surgery when the first surgery was paid for by insurance and all copays and deductibles were met. So we were being responsible. Our insurance company betrayed us..or so we felt. I was contemplating quitting school at that point. After all, all i really wanted to be was a stay at home mom. That wasn't happening so I may as well be working instead of going to school for the hopes of a job after graduation. I was at rock bottom. I spent days on the phone with insurance and with the billing coordinator at the urologist's office. It was hours and hours of phone calls. The billing coordinator was wonderful. She sent letters of medical necessity and spent hours on the phone with the insurance company too. She listened to me vent about all of it and how heartbroken we were. This stranger on the other end of the phone became my friend and ally in that dark time.
I was at a standstill as far as what to do. I was beginning my first semester of my internship at a local elementary school. It was January 2010. Another year was beginning. People always gave the spiel about how great and hopeful a new year is and we sat at home feeling lost. On my first day of my internship I went in..begrudgingly. I had a very awesome school and clinical teacher, but I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. I remember that day..I got home and felt like I had no idea what to do. At that time, we were using our answering machine on our printer combo machine and it was upstairs in the guest room. So anytime we checked messages we had to go upstairs to listen. That day I got home and kicked off my shoes. My feet hurt from standing and I remember thinking this: There's probably not a message important enough for me to walk upstairs to check the machine. After a few minutes I talked myself into checking the messages. It was the insurance coordinator from the urologist's office. I really did not want to call her back. I was burned out from the daily back and forth between her and insurance. Plus it was nearly 5:00. I really hate calling someone near 5:00 because they rarely answer their phone and let it go to voicemail. Much to my surprise, she did pick up her phone.And the next thing she said came unexpected.
She said, "I have some good news for you." She said..Dr. S said you have paid him enough money and he's writing off the rest of your account!!!!" I immediately went to tears. Then the billing coordinator went to tears too. We both cried and thanked Jesus for such a wonderful blessing. She told me she was so happy I called her before 5:00. (I called her at 4:55). I also received a refund for $6000 which was the portion of the second surgery we had paid for that he was unable to complete due to the scar tissue. Between that and our income tax refund that year we had enough to do IVF. I felt a HUGE sense of relief. I called Chris crying. He thought something was wrong. I couldn't compose myself. I was truly touched by Dr. S's generosity. He was always so kind and compassionate to us and this was a wonderful blessing.
Later on that week it occurred to me that maybe we won't be able to have enough to do IVF. If insurance reversed payment to the urologist then they reversed payment for the surgical fees for the hospital also. The hospital bill was even bigger. However, time went by and to this day we never saw a bill from them. I don't know if Dr. S did something to clear us of that debt to Rex also or what but it was very supernatural. The debt was gone, just like that. After all the blood, sweat, and tears to get to this point..our debt was paid. This always reminded me of our debt for sin and how it was paid by Jesus. He said..your account is clear! I truly knew what that meant that day!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
more surgery...
So, to recap--after getting the diagnosis of azoospermia we talked about what to do. Do we do the epididymovasostomy with the urologist or do we go straight to IVF? At that time I was terrified of the idea of IVF. It was all so foreign and clinical. "We wanted to get pregnant the "old fashioned" way. So we opted to repair the blockage with the surgery.
The urologist had told us that insurance would most likely pay for the original surgical biopsy. So we felt confident with scheduling the epididymovasostomy. It was just over 18,000 out of pocket and we knew insurance would not pay for this since it was considered elective and infertility. We didn't have any infertility coverage...in fact..most people in the state of North Carolina do not. NC is not one of those states with mandated infertility coverage. What do you do when money stand in the way of the most natural thing in the world: building your family and raising a child? I won't elaborate on our finances, but we were able to get enough money together to do the surgery. It was our only chance. The doctor was very confident. This type of surgery is a microsurgery. It's very very specialized and requires some special skill and good hands. This guy was the surgeon to do it! And like I said before, he was very kind and honest too.
The surgery was September 6, 2009. This time the surgery was at Duke Ambulatory Surgery Center instead of Rex hospital because they had the high powered surgical microscope needed to operate on such tiny parts. Were we nervous? Heck yeah!!! It was a long surgery...We also made plans to harvest sperm that day via TESE just in case it failed. So we made arrangements to transport the specimen to Carolina Conceptions in Raleigh for cryopreservation. It was costly for storage as well but we knew that it meant our potential future. Once my parents left with the specimen to be transported to Carolina Conceptions, I was alone...alone in my thoughts and fears. Yet, I felt so positive. You know how you feel hopeful and positive about something and then you get the worst news. Coming off that high is devestating. That's what happened that day...our world came crumbling down--all of our hopes and all of our money--gone..
The nurse came out of the OR to let me know how things were going. She said they finished one side and he was NOT able to repair that side. There was so much scar tissue. I still remember the raw emotion of that moment in that little side room that said "consultation" on the sign beside the door. It was like all I saw in that moment was blankness as I fell apart--crying---weeping---She hugged me and said there was still hope for the other side. But I just knew in my heart she was wrong and was just saying this to help me. So she left and I stayed in that room off of the waiting room that said "consultation. It was a room with a glass window and glass door but I didn't care. I cried anyway..by myself....praying...fearing the worst...How can we pay to use that sperm from the TESE? What were we thinking using that money for the shallow hope of just trying to get pregnant like everyone else? Did it really matter as long as the end results were the same? The surgeon came out shortly after that...way too soon to have done anything productive. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. He was so incredibly sweet. He hugged me and said he was sorry. He gave me some options for fertility grants. Then he let me back to recovery to see Chris.
When I saw Chris..he was still very out of it. It wasn't like the last surgery where he was awake enough to celebrate that good news we had last time. He was still half asleep. The surgeon told me he probably wont' remember what he tells him but he'll explain anyway. Chris didn't remember. He kept asking me "are you ok?" over and over. Then he'd fall alseep and forget that he asked me and ask me again "are you ok?" He was the one who had his male parts poked and prodded until they were black and blue literally and had a huge incision in a place that would make any normal male cringe to even hear about it. Yet, he wanted to know if I am okay. That was how I knew that he knew but it had not registered with him yet. The ride home from Durham that day was a blur. I had to drive and anyone that knows me know that I don't drive in that area or on interstates or in the insanity of the Triangle. But I did..because I had to. It was the weirdest ride home...nothing made sense. It's like getting the worst news of your life and being at a dead end. There is nowhere to go but up at that point...we hit rock bottom. We didn't even know what to say to one another...there was a dead silence between us...because we felt we had no more hope left. We were going to be childless forever.
We had each other...recovery was very hard and painful for him. He said the emotional toll it took on him made the physical recovery that much harder. The first surgery made him hopeful and he got better fast...this time..not so much. We were both in a lot of pain and felt so alone in our pain. That week he was out of work and recovering was misery for both of us. What are we going to do? How are we going to do it? I was in school at that time--working on a degree that I wasn't sure I wanted anymore. I found a higher calling for myself...and I could attain degree after degree and have the best jobs and be successful. I always was successful in my jobs in the medical field. I gave all that I had to be my best. I could pass grades, keep a 4.0gpa, take care of the house we bought, be thrifty with our money. We could be responsible. Chris was "super tech" at work and always went above and beyond. We could control all of that. But the one thing we couldn't' control was out of reach. The majority of the population can control when they get pregnant and when they don't. They make a conscious decision to start a family and appear happy and successful..but we were happy in our marriage yet couldn't complete our family. This was taken away from us in one day---how do you go on? What do you do when money stands in the way of you achieving what is natural and easy for everyone else?
We refused to let it be the end of our story..no matter what.....
The urologist had told us that insurance would most likely pay for the original surgical biopsy. So we felt confident with scheduling the epididymovasostomy. It was just over 18,000 out of pocket and we knew insurance would not pay for this since it was considered elective and infertility. We didn't have any infertility coverage...in fact..most people in the state of North Carolina do not. NC is not one of those states with mandated infertility coverage. What do you do when money stand in the way of the most natural thing in the world: building your family and raising a child? I won't elaborate on our finances, but we were able to get enough money together to do the surgery. It was our only chance. The doctor was very confident. This type of surgery is a microsurgery. It's very very specialized and requires some special skill and good hands. This guy was the surgeon to do it! And like I said before, he was very kind and honest too.
The surgery was September 6, 2009. This time the surgery was at Duke Ambulatory Surgery Center instead of Rex hospital because they had the high powered surgical microscope needed to operate on such tiny parts. Were we nervous? Heck yeah!!! It was a long surgery...We also made plans to harvest sperm that day via TESE just in case it failed. So we made arrangements to transport the specimen to Carolina Conceptions in Raleigh for cryopreservation. It was costly for storage as well but we knew that it meant our potential future. Once my parents left with the specimen to be transported to Carolina Conceptions, I was alone...alone in my thoughts and fears. Yet, I felt so positive. You know how you feel hopeful and positive about something and then you get the worst news. Coming off that high is devestating. That's what happened that day...our world came crumbling down--all of our hopes and all of our money--gone..
The nurse came out of the OR to let me know how things were going. She said they finished one side and he was NOT able to repair that side. There was so much scar tissue. I still remember the raw emotion of that moment in that little side room that said "consultation" on the sign beside the door. It was like all I saw in that moment was blankness as I fell apart--crying---weeping---She hugged me and said there was still hope for the other side. But I just knew in my heart she was wrong and was just saying this to help me. So she left and I stayed in that room off of the waiting room that said "consultation. It was a room with a glass window and glass door but I didn't care. I cried anyway..by myself....praying...fearing the worst...How can we pay to use that sperm from the TESE? What were we thinking using that money for the shallow hope of just trying to get pregnant like everyone else? Did it really matter as long as the end results were the same? The surgeon came out shortly after that...way too soon to have done anything productive. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. He was so incredibly sweet. He hugged me and said he was sorry. He gave me some options for fertility grants. Then he let me back to recovery to see Chris.
When I saw Chris..he was still very out of it. It wasn't like the last surgery where he was awake enough to celebrate that good news we had last time. He was still half asleep. The surgeon told me he probably wont' remember what he tells him but he'll explain anyway. Chris didn't remember. He kept asking me "are you ok?" over and over. Then he'd fall alseep and forget that he asked me and ask me again "are you ok?" He was the one who had his male parts poked and prodded until they were black and blue literally and had a huge incision in a place that would make any normal male cringe to even hear about it. Yet, he wanted to know if I am okay. That was how I knew that he knew but it had not registered with him yet. The ride home from Durham that day was a blur. I had to drive and anyone that knows me know that I don't drive in that area or on interstates or in the insanity of the Triangle. But I did..because I had to. It was the weirdest ride home...nothing made sense. It's like getting the worst news of your life and being at a dead end. There is nowhere to go but up at that point...we hit rock bottom. We didn't even know what to say to one another...there was a dead silence between us...because we felt we had no more hope left. We were going to be childless forever.
We had each other...recovery was very hard and painful for him. He said the emotional toll it took on him made the physical recovery that much harder. The first surgery made him hopeful and he got better fast...this time..not so much. We were both in a lot of pain and felt so alone in our pain. That week he was out of work and recovering was misery for both of us. What are we going to do? How are we going to do it? I was in school at that time--working on a degree that I wasn't sure I wanted anymore. I found a higher calling for myself...and I could attain degree after degree and have the best jobs and be successful. I always was successful in my jobs in the medical field. I gave all that I had to be my best. I could pass grades, keep a 4.0gpa, take care of the house we bought, be thrifty with our money. We could be responsible. Chris was "super tech" at work and always went above and beyond. We could control all of that. But the one thing we couldn't' control was out of reach. The majority of the population can control when they get pregnant and when they don't. They make a conscious decision to start a family and appear happy and successful..but we were happy in our marriage yet couldn't complete our family. This was taken away from us in one day---how do you go on? What do you do when money stands in the way of you achieving what is natural and easy for everyone else?
We refused to let it be the end of our story..no matter what.....
Friday, January 24, 2014
The infertility journey-part 1
I thought I would start my sharing our Infertility (IF) journey. I will try to explain the abbreviations as I go. Us IFers (infertiles) have a lot of abbreviations we use in conversation that some people may not understand.
Our journey begins in 2008 when we decided to TTC (try to conceive). It was an exciting time filled with hope.I was one of those people who wanted to be totally ready to have kids. People always gave me the one liner "you'll never be ready, you just do it." I guess I sometimes wondered why I didn't have that maternal desire yet. We had been married since 2001. I thought something was wrong with me. Then people around us started getting pg (pregnant) and it clicked that i wanted that too. We were so excited. We actually got to "try" to ttc for a whole two months before we found out the diagnosis.
I shared my hubby's medical history with my obgyn. She ordered a SA (semen analysis) that came back with some really bad results. We were devastated. Chris had a childhood illness that essentially caused him to be azoospermic (no sperm in the semen). It was the worst news we could've ever expected and the beginning of the most painful journey of our lives.
Infertility affects 1 in 8 people in this country, yet it is not recognized my a strikingly huge majority of insurance companies. In fact our insurance paperwork has a section heading for infertility/fertility and the only thing under that heading is that it covers 100% of a vasectomy or tubal ligation. It also states that it covers 100% of birth control with no copay. Why is it that every thing is covered at 90% after deductible except that? . Keeping people from having babies is priority in the insurance industry. There is certainly some history there in our society that I will cover another day. With the abortion industry being made a bigger deal than obstetrics and peds, Planned Parenthood, Margaret Sanger and all of her history in this area, and the feminist movement, all of it plain makes me sick. I could write days of blog posts on this. There is a great lie that the world is overpopulated already. I don't think God, the author of human life and creator of this world, is concerned with overpopulation. The concept of population control is not a new thing...think Hitler and his ethnic cleansing propaganda and subsquent genocide of innocent peoples. Anyway--I'll save all that for another day. In a nutshell, insurance is all part of the red tape bureaucracy that is involved with contracting with employers to determine what they want to cover while also being "in bed" with lobbyists and politicians. It's not pretty and not clean. Money is clean...you pay cash for something you usually are gonna get what you pay for and then some. Everything involving infertility has been paid 100% out of pocket by Chris and I. It's really difficult when money stands in the way of a dream the other 7 out of 8 people get to experience just by sleeping together at the right time to make a baby.
So after seeing a couple of urologists in Feb 2009 we found a super guy in Raleigh. He was confident Chris has a blockage and he could have a surgical biopsy to find out. If he did we had two options...harvest the sperm and do IVF or have a Epididymovasostomy which is the equivalent of what a man has when he regrets his vasectomy and wants it reversed. When a guy has a Vasectomy, the cut in the Vas Deferens is what causes the sperm to be cut off from expulsion during sex When a vasectomy is reversed, they reconnect the Vas. So, a blockage can be repaired by cutting the Vas and reconnecting it to a patent (open) tubule. This urologist is one of the few docs who does this in the state. Not only was he talented, he was kind and honest. He felt confident this could be done if necessary. We scheduled the surgical biopsy at Rex hospital. This was done under general anesthesia and the doc was certain insurance would cover such a procedure. So we opted to do it on May 22, 2009. Just to explain what Chris went through---they cut about a 1 inch incision in the scrotum to access the testicles and biopsy them. This is PAINFUL. Any guy knows that this area is sensitive and painful anyway. And to a guy something like this is devastating. The pathology report showed normal spermatogenesis--sperm production. When Chris was in recovery after the biopsy, I went to find a bathroom to cry...tears of joy, of course but i just was so relieved I had to cry. Then I went to the gift shop and I bought him a card to take to him to tell him the good news that the urologist shared with me. I couldn't decide what kind of card to get. What do you get and what do you write? Congrats on the swimmers? Get well soon? So I got him a "congratulations on your new baby" card. LOL! He thought that was funny! But he cried...and the nurse saw him and was offered pain meds..he said.."no i'm not in pain." We both cried that day. It was a major victory in our story--but the peaks and valleys were yet to come. So, we opted to schedule the Epididymovasostomy to repair the blockage-----
In my next blog I'll tell this part of the story---
Our journey begins in 2008 when we decided to TTC (try to conceive). It was an exciting time filled with hope.I was one of those people who wanted to be totally ready to have kids. People always gave me the one liner "you'll never be ready, you just do it." I guess I sometimes wondered why I didn't have that maternal desire yet. We had been married since 2001. I thought something was wrong with me. Then people around us started getting pg (pregnant) and it clicked that i wanted that too. We were so excited. We actually got to "try" to ttc for a whole two months before we found out the diagnosis.
I shared my hubby's medical history with my obgyn. She ordered a SA (semen analysis) that came back with some really bad results. We were devastated. Chris had a childhood illness that essentially caused him to be azoospermic (no sperm in the semen). It was the worst news we could've ever expected and the beginning of the most painful journey of our lives.
Infertility affects 1 in 8 people in this country, yet it is not recognized my a strikingly huge majority of insurance companies. In fact our insurance paperwork has a section heading for infertility/fertility and the only thing under that heading is that it covers 100% of a vasectomy or tubal ligation. It also states that it covers 100% of birth control with no copay. Why is it that every thing is covered at 90% after deductible except that? . Keeping people from having babies is priority in the insurance industry. There is certainly some history there in our society that I will cover another day. With the abortion industry being made a bigger deal than obstetrics and peds, Planned Parenthood, Margaret Sanger and all of her history in this area, and the feminist movement, all of it plain makes me sick. I could write days of blog posts on this. There is a great lie that the world is overpopulated already. I don't think God, the author of human life and creator of this world, is concerned with overpopulation. The concept of population control is not a new thing...think Hitler and his ethnic cleansing propaganda and subsquent genocide of innocent peoples. Anyway--I'll save all that for another day. In a nutshell, insurance is all part of the red tape bureaucracy that is involved with contracting with employers to determine what they want to cover while also being "in bed" with lobbyists and politicians. It's not pretty and not clean. Money is clean...you pay cash for something you usually are gonna get what you pay for and then some. Everything involving infertility has been paid 100% out of pocket by Chris and I. It's really difficult when money stands in the way of a dream the other 7 out of 8 people get to experience just by sleeping together at the right time to make a baby.
So after seeing a couple of urologists in Feb 2009 we found a super guy in Raleigh. He was confident Chris has a blockage and he could have a surgical biopsy to find out. If he did we had two options...harvest the sperm and do IVF or have a Epididymovasostomy which is the equivalent of what a man has when he regrets his vasectomy and wants it reversed. When a guy has a Vasectomy, the cut in the Vas Deferens is what causes the sperm to be cut off from expulsion during sex When a vasectomy is reversed, they reconnect the Vas. So, a blockage can be repaired by cutting the Vas and reconnecting it to a patent (open) tubule. This urologist is one of the few docs who does this in the state. Not only was he talented, he was kind and honest. He felt confident this could be done if necessary. We scheduled the surgical biopsy at Rex hospital. This was done under general anesthesia and the doc was certain insurance would cover such a procedure. So we opted to do it on May 22, 2009. Just to explain what Chris went through---they cut about a 1 inch incision in the scrotum to access the testicles and biopsy them. This is PAINFUL. Any guy knows that this area is sensitive and painful anyway. And to a guy something like this is devastating. The pathology report showed normal spermatogenesis--sperm production. When Chris was in recovery after the biopsy, I went to find a bathroom to cry...tears of joy, of course but i just was so relieved I had to cry. Then I went to the gift shop and I bought him a card to take to him to tell him the good news that the urologist shared with me. I couldn't decide what kind of card to get. What do you get and what do you write? Congrats on the swimmers? Get well soon? So I got him a "congratulations on your new baby" card. LOL! He thought that was funny! But he cried...and the nurse saw him and was offered pain meds..he said.."no i'm not in pain." We both cried that day. It was a major victory in our story--but the peaks and valleys were yet to come. So, we opted to schedule the Epididymovasostomy to repair the blockage-----
In my next blog I'll tell this part of the story---
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Survivor's guilt
I have decided to start a blog that not only shares my
stories of infertility and time in the NICU and the joys and scary moments of giving
birth to my son Garrett, but to share new milestones and my thoughts on
parenthood and feelings about various issues.
One thing about getting pregnant after infertility is what
is termed “survivors guilt.” I admin a Facebook group of women and one man (hi
Jason!) I originally joined this group when added by a friend who was in a
similar place in life. I later was given an admin position and now currently
admin with two other lovely women. I feel kind of bad that I’ve been a little
out of the loop lately. I try really hard to keep up as much as I possibly can.
It is a challenge right now but I promise to keep on being there. It’s hard
when you want your friends to have the same gift you’ve been given. I feel so
incredibly blessed to have gotten pregnant after infertility and learned so
much through the journey. Infertility has defined me over the last 5 years. It
has made me a better person. I know you are wondering if I wish I had never
been through infertility and pregnancy had come easy…and honestly….in talking
to my hubby, Chris, we both feel like we are grateful for this journey. GRATEFUL???
I must be crazy to be grateful for this trial, huh? James 1 in the Bible says: 2
Consider it pure joy, my
brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,
3 because you know that
the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its
work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
I never understood this verse. Who would
consider a trial a joyous thing? Well, now I understand. It has certainly
matured our walks with Christ and has helped us find out more about ourselves,
what we believe, why we do certain things, and even has prompted us to ask a
lot of questions. I will get into some of those another day but it has been a
rollercoaster ride of tears, trauma, and heartbreak that ends with joy and new
beginnings. I feel blessed to have not gotten the “easy” way out of infertility.
So, to those who have been touched by infertility, I encourage you to think of
this verse. Think of your marriage and how much stronger it will be. There is
absolutely no one on Earth I’d rather have gone through all of this with than
with Chris. He has been amazing! I am so lucky to have married such a strong
man!
To read more about survivors guilt: http://www.theafa.org/blog/surviving-the-guilt-of-infertility/
and
pregnancy after infertility and the emotions involved: http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/pregnancy-after-infertility/
Also I have to add that the survivor’s
guilt is in no way because of the people in my group but my own desire to see
them succeed. They have been amazing. I have received so many gifts and cards
since Garrett was born. They are the sweetest, kind, heartfelt people. It would
be easy for them to be bitter or jealous but they have been just amazing! Love
ya’ll!
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