Survivor's guilt

I have decided to start a blog that not only shares my stories of infertility and time in the NICU and the joys and scary moments of giving birth to my son Garrett, but to share new milestones and my thoughts on parenthood and feelings about various issues.

One thing about getting pregnant after infertility is what is termed “survivors guilt.” I admin a Facebook group of women and one man (hi Jason!) I originally joined this group when added by a friend who was in a similar place in life. I later was given an admin position and now currently admin with two other lovely women. I feel kind of bad that I’ve been a little out of the loop lately. I try really hard to keep up as much as I possibly can. It is a challenge right now but I promise to keep on being there. It’s hard when you want your friends to have the same gift you’ve been given. I feel so incredibly blessed to have gotten pregnant after infertility and learned so much through the journey. Infertility has defined me over the last 5 years. It has made me a better person. I know you are wondering if I wish I had never been through infertility and pregnancy had come easy…and honestly….in talking to my hubby, Chris, we both feel like we are grateful for this journey. GRATEFUL??? I must be crazy to be grateful for this trial, huh? James 1 in the Bible says: ²

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I never understood this verse. Who would consider a trial a joyous thing? Well, now I understand. It has certainly matured our walks with Christ and has helped us find out more about ourselves, what we believe, why we do certain things, and even has prompted us to ask a lot of questions. I will get into some of those another day but it has been a rollercoaster ride of tears, trauma, and heartbreak that ends with joy and new beginnings. I feel blessed to have not gotten the “easy” way out of infertility. So, to those who have been touched by infertility, I encourage you to think of this verse. Think of your marriage and how much stronger it will be. There is absolutely no one on Earth I’d rather have gone through all of this with than with Chris. He has been amazing! I am so lucky to have married such a strong man!

To read more about survivors guilt: http://www.theafa.org/blog/surviving-the-guilt-of-infertility/

 and pregnancy after infertility and the emotions involved: http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/pregnancy-after-infertility/

Also I have to add that the survivor’s guilt is in no way because of the people in my group but my own desire to see them succeed. They have been amazing. I have received so many gifts and cards since Garrett was born. They are the sweetest, kind, heartfelt people. It would be easy for them to be bitter or jealous but they have been just amazing! Love ya’ll!